Friday, October 05, 2012

Can You Be Openly Gay and Survive in the South?

A column in the New York Times looks at the issue of being gay and living in the American South.  The short answer to the question asked in the caption of this post is, yes, one can be openly gay and survive in the South.  At least as long as you are willing to be a third or fourth class citizens and devoid of any non-discrimination protections whatsoever.  Oh, and did I mention that recognition of your commitment to your life partner will be banned by state constitution?   Provided one is willing to overlook these serious issues, then one can be happy and survive in many parts of the South - at least in the larger cities.  Areas of say Southwest Virginia on the other hand might make taking razor blades to your wrists look attractive.  Here are highlights from the Times piece:

Many people assume that because the South is the nation’s most evangelical and politically conservative region, it is probably also a hotbed for hate crimes against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. But while such crimes do occur, they are less common than in large urban centers, where the absence of a tight community and the abundance of strangers make it easier to target people for their differences. 

I should know: as a lesbian who has lived in the South my entire life, and in a small town in the Deep South for part of it, I’ve met many people — men, women and transgendered — whose sexual identity has not prevented them from living a life of acceptance, admiration and even respect by their families and communities. 

My friend Helen and her partner, Kathleen, for example, have made an enormous impact on the small town of Louisville, Ga., in rural Jefferson County.  .  .  .  .  .  It’s an unspoken truth that Helen and Kathleen are in a committed relationship, and yet they’re invited to social gatherings as a couple, and only a few months ago Helen gave the graduation address at the local high school. People know who they are and very likely understand the nature of their relationship, and it’s clear they value the investment that Helen and Kathleen have made in their community. 

In the mid-1990s, while in graduate school, I lived in the small city of Hattiesburg, Miss. There I met gays and lesbians who came to Hattiesburg from nearby rural communities like Petal, Wiggins, Runnelstown and even more far-flung places to enjoy the one gay bar that was within reasonable driving distance, or simply hang out with friends. Though they came for the comforts of a larger L.G.B.T. community, their sexual orientation was often known to their communities back home. 

And there is a limit to the acceptance. In the rural South, people love their sons and daughters and they may even break bread with the florist and his partner, but they still believe homosexuality is a sin. They draw the line at a gay pride march down Main Street, and they won’t stand for gay marriage. 

Still, as Alana’s Uncle Lee has shown America, there are gays living in the rural South who don’t all set out for the big city. They lead rich lives and have families, and sometimes even communities, that love them and accept them for who they are.

Despite the positive picture the article seeks to depict, all things considered, if I could leave the South and no offense meant to our friends, I would - in a heart beat.

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